First Sail of the Season

Every spring, for over thirty years, I’ve owned and launched one type of sailboat or another. Every spring I’ve been scared, perhaps the better word is anxious, but it felt like fear.

Thank you for your concerns if you’re dreaming up some rationale that attributes my fear to high winds or rolling seas; I never launched the first time in those conditions. The days I choose to inaugurate my sailing seasons were mostly populated by comfortable breezes with flat water. There were lots of first launches into small lakes and only a dozen times was the first taste salty.

 The first year you might understand my fear of the unknown, and if you’re filled with compassion for slow learners you will give me a number of years to get the process down. But I seem to have recycled my initial first-time jitters into a permanent part of the rig and launch process.

Funny thing is how proscribed the fear is. I feel anticipatory butterflies as I step the mast and attached the control lines. The butterflies turn into bumblebees as I back the dolly or trailer into the cold water. And I feel like I have ducks trapped in my belly as I push away from all attachments to land.

I trim the sheets, steer to a course and the feelings are just gone. It’s not that I’m transported into a transcendent experience. I just begin to reacclimate to sailing.

My wife wonders why I kept at it if I always had to get past the fear. A half an hour of anxiety, five to seven months of joy – not a bad trade off. Even in behavioral conditioning circles the expected results would be a repetition of the behavior.

This season was different. The wind was up, the water was cold and I was sailing away from the beach before I realized that I hadn’t had even a brief moment of fear. So maybe it just takes 39 years.

The sail was short but satisfying, not enough tacks, too much time just enjoying getting up on a plane and letting it rip. The excuse I use is that there aren’t that many breezy days, so best to use them to get the fast-speed work down pat. I did throw in a couple of jibs and held my breath as the main whipped over. All went well and now I am psyched for a good long practice session.